In Celebration Of Dad Jokes

What makes a Dad Joke? I am not quite sure. In fact, I don’t even remember the term being used until the last few years. But I will try. Dad jokes are clean, they make some people groan, but they make almost everyone laugh. At least a little. Especially we Dads who like to tell them.

When my kids were still at home, the ultimate in Dad Jokes got a real workout. It was what became known as “The Clown Joke”. It goes like this:

  • Do you know why we don’t eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

I told it to my kids when they were tots, and it (of course) got big laughs. As the kids got older, they and I got into a bit of a competition over The Clown Joke. It was my contention that for someone who had not heard it, even the most cool and jaded teen, could not help but laugh. I, of course, tried it out on all of their friends, much to my kids’ frustration. And the way I remember things, not one time was I proved wrong. Each time I told The Clown Joke to one of their friends, that kid could not help but laugh, if only a little.

That is what makes for a great Dad Joke. As much as you may want to groan, you can’t help but chuckle. Here are a few more examples of good Dad Jokes:

  • Why can’t your nose be twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
  • Why is the math book so sad? Because it has so many problems.
  • How can you learn to make a banana split? Go to Sundae School.

Sometimes the Dad Jokes come out of me in response to someone asking a question or making a comment. Whenever someone remarks that I got a haircut, I correct them by saying “no, I got all of them cut.” Or whenever someone asked me “What kind of a lawyer are you?” I would reply “Oh, pretty good.”

Then there are the Knock-Knock jokes. Those were popular when I was a kid, and are still good for making someone chuckle in spite of themselves. My favorite Knock-Knock joke was a little more involved than most of them. It went like this:

Knock – Knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana Who?

Knock – Knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana Who?

Knock – Knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana Who?

Knock – Knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana Who?

(this can go on until the victim’s patience starts to ebb. Then we move in for the kill.)

Knock – Knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange Who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana again?

I will conclude with a few more classic Dad Jokes. Because I am a Dad and cannot help myself.

  • Do you know why you should never trust trees? They’re shady.
  • Do you know why bikes can’t stand up by themselves? They’re two tired.*
  • Why don’t they make a pencil with two erasers? It would be pointless.
  • What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
  • What do alligators drink? Gatorade.
  • Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands? Because they’re extinct, dummy.
  • Why should you never fall into a lens grinding machine? Because you would make a spectacle of yourself.

Finally, I was going to tell a joke about paper – but won’t because its tearable.

27 thoughts on “In Celebration Of Dad Jokes”

  1. These are all very good ones, with my daughter loving the banana/orange knock-knock joke when she was younger. Plus, you have just increased my meager repertoire of such jokes.

    It sounds like you are able to create some of these on the fly – which doesn’t surprise me. Although I did once create what perhaps could be described as an uncle joke…not dirty but not something you would want to quickly tell your mother.

    What do you call a mad nut? A pissed-achio.

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    • I agree, there is probably a minimum age of 12-13 on your Mad nut joke.

      I will confess that I had to do a little research to fill out this post. I hope I can remember them!

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  4. I’m a little embarrassed to mention it, but my dad would never tell jokes like this. Neither would anyone in our “social circle.” These jokes would be considered too corny and lame. Maybe this is a regional thing. NJ/NY humor is more streetwise, edgy, and deals with the cruel ironies and unfairness of life.

    Quotations from Dad:

    If you’re at the dinner table and dribbling food: “Careful, you’re getting it in your mouth!”

    If you’re being served food you don’t like: “People in concentration camps would love it!”

    Disciplining a wise-ass kid: “I’ll squeeze your neck ’til your eyes bug out!”

    Criticizing someone: “If you look up (stupid, lazy, crazy) in the dictionary, there’s a picture of him!” Also, “I think there’s a village somewhere that’s missing an idiot!”

    Kid asking for something he’s not going to get: “And people in Hell want ice water!”

    Not getting what you wanted because of some quirk of fate: “Yeah, and if the horse hadn’t stopped to take a crap in the middle of the race, he would have won!”

    Commenting on any governmental department, corporation, or institution: “The whole damn thing is crooked!”

    This may sound mean and abusive to some people, but the context and the way it’s said makes all the difference. It’s a certain style of wit. I personally like edgy humor and a little verbal jousting. It keeps you on your toes. Again, this may be a New Jersey thing, which you will either love or hate. As W.C. Fields once said, “Comedy, is really tragedy, that’s happening to someone else!”

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    • My father grew up in the Philly area but was never much of a joke teller or wise cracker. Although if a fly landed on your plate and you complained about it, he was apt to reply with “He won’t eat much. ”

      I think the key to delivering one of these verbally is to do it without any hint of a smile and see how long it takes to land.

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    • These aren’t limited to a geographical area from my experience; I’ve heard most of these at some point and have always lived in the Midwest / Upper South.

      Another about not getting what you want…if frogs had wings they wouldn’t smack their butt on the ground, either. Another, of the same token….wish/spit/whatever in one hand and wish in the other to see which fills up first.

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  5. I think The Clown Joke says it all. If a “tot” finds it funny (because he/she understands it), then it’s a Dad Joke. If a tot gives you a facial expression that says “I don’t get it”, then it may be a joke worthy of an adult audience instead.

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  7. Ah, I love dad jokes but they should just be called funny jokes. I also have a favorite knock-knock joke:
    Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Ether
    Ether who?
    Ether Bunny.

    followed by:
    Cargo
    Cargo who?
    Cargo beep-beep and run over Ether bunny

    Boo
    Boo who?
    Don’t cwy, Ether bunny be back next year.

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  8. Well you gave me my laugh for the day JP. I have heard some of these and there is actually a radio PSA running for Dads and their Dad jokes. I can’t say my father ever told Dad jokes. But he was a stuffed shirt. I had to get my share of fun Dad quips from the Southern gentleman who moved next door to my mom/me after my father left. He was old enough to be my father and so he was determined to be a “Step Papa” to me and he was full of fun jokes and riddles. One day I have to write about him for a post.

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  11. Do you ever drive by the One America building downtown? Every week they put up a dad joke on their marquee sign. The most recent was quite wonderful: Someone glued my deck of cards together. I couldn’t deal with it.

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  13. To me, there’s no such thing as Dad Jokes because that would imply there are Mom Jokes. And if my mother, and my wife, and our friends who are moms are any indication, moms don’t tell jokes. There, I’ve said it.

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