On Life As A Gray Beard

I have a few stock responses for common situations. One of them, most often used in response to a comment by Marianne about hair styles, is “Women and hair.” A variation is “Women and shoes”. If she were so inclined, she could probably issue a rejoinder of “Men and facial hair.” And maybe she would be right.

I have spent most of my life as a clean-shaven kind of guy. But one who always had a bit of a yen to do something about that. In my college years I grew a moustache. I was young and it didn’t come in as thick or as dark as I wished it would, so I occasionally resorted to some dark-tinted moustache wax to give it a little color and body. 

I kept it about halfway through law school (it was getting better!). I wasn’t alone, as my roommate Dave had one too. But one day I decided to shave it off. I cannot now recall why – whether it was an actual decision or because I got too aggressive on trimming one side or the other. In any case, off it came. I was amazed by the responses – “You look so much younger!” Although I was only in my mid 20’s, I had reached the stage where looking younger was not a bad thing, so that was that. And that was how things stayed for the next couple of decades.

At some point in my early 40’s I decided to try growing a beard. I had never tried it and was kind of curious how it might look. In one of the very few pieces of photographic evidence that I have, I can pinpoint the date as the early part of 2005 – from this long-ago family photo when we visited relatives on the east coast. In any case, I was not disappointed in how the full beard grew in. The complication was that Marianne simply hated it. ”I’m not kissing you with that thing on!” was her reaction. It was mainly because of her reaction that I gave up on it.

The goatee trend came and went but I held out and kept shaving. I must admit that I hate shaving. It is a daily chore that I started to become lax about during Covid, and I would often go two or three days at a time between sessions with cream and blade. Which, of course, made shaving day even more of a chore when it finally came around. 

I kept up this habit when I went back to the office – mainly because my post-Covid office was sparsely attended and so long as I did not have a meeting or court session on Zoom, nobody cared. As time passed and I transitioned from law office to truck driving school, my shaving intervals could stretch to nearly a week, which put me in the stubble-face territory much of the time. 

This situation kept up until December. Most of my time driving has me inside a well-heated truck cab. However, I can be out of the truck multiple times a night for dropping and hooking to trailers, and I decided that perhaps it was time to experiment with a little face insulation. I decided that it was time to try a beard again. Mostly this was for practical reasons, but I will admit to some curiosity about how it would look now that my hair has gone mostly gray.

February is here and I can say that it has worked out fairly well in the function department. There is less face exposed to icy blasts, which is a good thing. But there is still upkeep, with a need to trim around the edges to keep from looking like a hobo. Marianne is not sure that I have succeeded here. Speaking of Marianne, her feelings on the beard have not softened over the years. ”You and that beard!” has been heard more than a few times.

Looks-wise, it has gone mostly (but not completely) gray. Oddly, some of it is lighter on one side than on the other, giving me a little asymmetry. I have no idea how this could be, but there we are. ”It makes you look like an old man” is the helpful commentary from Marianne. It is funny how a guy can reach a point where looking “like an old man” stops being a bad thing. At the age of 64, I kind of am an old man, so I may as well make peace with it. And I have always considered the descriptive term of “gray beard” as another way to describe a wise, experienced elder. I like the idea of being a wise, experienced elder. How wise and experienced I actually am in various areas is something we need not discuss in detail.

But I have decided that there are beard guys and guys who are not beard guys. I think I am one of the latter, so that instead of permanently moving to Beardland, I am just a tourist. Soon it will be time to think about the easiest way to get rid of the thing and go back to my boring old life as a clean-shaven guy. I suppose the trade-off for a return to more-or-less regular shaving will be that I will look younger. And get more kisses at home. 

24 thoughts on “On Life As A Gray Beard”

  1. There’s nothing wrong with tourism. Plus, this sort of tour saves you a bit of money, so where’s the downside? Oh wait, you mentioned that important one.

    I did the beard thing once about five or six years ago. Then, as now, I have a non-thinning, full-head of mousy brown hair with any gray being few and easily hidden. However, something has happened further south on my face. The spice cabinet is overloaded with salt and is sparse on pepper. It’s gotten to the point if I don’t shave for a few days my face simply looks dirty.

    You are correct about the beard vs. non-beard camp. There is also the “simply because you can doesn’t mean you should” zone within the non-beard camp. That’s the spot I occupy.

    For what it’s worth, you could do like a coworker…he shaves about once a month. Wednesday he had a full beard; yesterday morning, he was clean-shaven. Give it a month or so and it will all repeat. This might not be a bad approach; shaving is an utter waste of time.

    And we won’t even think about gray hair south of one’s collarbone. That is truly horrendous.

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  3. I’ve got a horrible beard! If I grew it for a year, it would still have drop out spots with no hair, other spots with grey hair, others with brown. There’s a “look” in my neck of the woods that you want to avoid. Long unkempt hair that looks greasy, a multi-colored “drop out” beard, green army jacket. When paired with riding a bike, it screams unemployed divorced blue collar who lost their license with a DUI! It’s like a uniform. Clean shaven is the first step to avoid it!

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    • “unemployed divorced blue collar who lost their license with a DUI!” – I love the description, and it makes me visualize exactly what you are saying.

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  5. I did the goatee thing for a while.

    I’ve gone a few weeks without shaving; but I find the beard itself isn’t the issue for me… it gets to the point where it itches and that’s the end of my flirting with it.

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    • I have not really noticed any itching, but then I have always been a “face toucher” (my own face, not those of others, thankfully) and find myself fiddling with it. As it has gotten longer, it needs a brief combing to look well-kept, and playing with it makes me look like a hobo.

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  6. Tourism is good, often places are very nice to visit but you wouldn’t want to live there. My beard never came in fully, and I can do a scraggly mustache and goatee it’s pretty poor and Mrs DougD absolutely LOATHES it. This of course is part of the fun when I have tried to grow a mustache, but also a good reason to limit the number of attempts.

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  7. In 1997 I decided to grow a beard. Jesus had one, and so should I! For the first couple weeks I looked terrible–like a homeless bum. It felt annoying too. After SEVEN WEEKS it actually looked pretty good! Kept it for about a year, with regular trimming. A new girlfriend didn’t like it, so I shaved it off. Now I felt naked and unnatural without the beard!

    Been “clean shaven” ever since. If I shave in the tub, I get a nice shave. Feels great the next day. Also the longer the whiskers are, the easier they are to shave. I stopped using alcohol-based aftershave–it’s bad for your skin. Now I use “Amish Face Balm”.

    Here’s me (on the right) with some church friends, 1997:

    Friends from church, 1997

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  9. Two of my uncles won a prize for having beards that made them look like the Smith Brothers on the cough drop package and I had one for a short time in my twenties but my wife said the same thing as yours. My dad shaved every single day that I can remember and sometimes twice on Sunday when there was church in the evening.

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    • I am glad I am not the only one who remembers Smith Bros. cough drops. (Who were named Trade and Mark, as the joke went 🙂 )

      My father had the toughest beard I have ever seen. He never let it grow out, but in his last months he asked me to shave him one time. It was like shaving a wire brush! I’m glad mine is much less wire-like.

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  10. I like the vintage photos JP – amazing. Imagine the grooming involved. I’ve always thought wearing a goatee gives one a rather sinister look. You could always wear a balaclava ski mask to keep your face warm next Winter – you will stay warm and Marianne will be happy too! 🙂

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      • Most of my life I have not worn make-up or thought much about how I looked because I figured women are slaves to a beauty industry and men mostly are not. If I (and all women) want equality, then liking the skin we are in is a good first step!
        What is interesting still is how men with deep wrinkles and a craggy look can still be viewed as handsomely rugged, while a women – not so much!

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  12. Your wife and mine completely agree here: clean-shaven = more kisses. The only suggestion I’ve ever had of my ability to grow facial hair has been the rare occasion where I went more than a day without shaving. I’ve never been convinced I have the genes to produce anything more than fits and spurts. Or maybe I’ve been swayed by more than one barber who claims clean-shaven w/ short hair = younger look (marketing ploy?) Regardless, I do admire the man who maintains a full well-manicured beard and mustache. Clean-shaven simply can’t compete with that sophisticated look.

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