Whatever Happened To The Telephone?
Is there anything as common as the telephone? It seems that you have to visit a kindergarten classroom to find people who are not in possession of cell phones – and it is possible that I may be wrong about the modern kindergarten classroom. But as a means of conducting business, has the telephone been left on the scrap heap?
Many years ago, I read a column written by an elderly attorney. He recounted a story he heard early in his career, in which a much more elderly attorney lamented that “the telephone has ruined the practice of law.” The old codger’s point had been that when people communicated by correspondence, a guy had time to think and reflect before penning a response. But with the telephone, everyone wanted everything done right now!
That process certainly did not stop after Mr. Bell’s handiwork became widespread. We followed up with the fax machine, and then email. But through at least the 1990’s, those things were merely supplements to the telephone in any business organization. Every law office spent big bucks on elaborate telephone systems, but all of them operated in the background for callers – each of whom spoke with a receptionist when calling the office on business.
Some of those receptionists were legendary among the lawyers in my own city. There was a woman who answered the phone at the law firm of Harrison & Moberly for maybe thirty years, if not more. Try saying that firm name quickly, while trying to enunciate each syllable. That receptionist could surely have won any competition in the speedy enunciation of tongue twisters about my sister Susie selling sea shells at the sea shore. There was another longtime receptionist who carefully rattled off the firm name of “Smith, Maley and Doug-a-lasss”, which turned that last two-syllable name into one with three syllables.
But those days, as we all know, are gone. It was inevitable that businesses everywhere would see the wisdom in replacing a sick-getting, vacation-taking and paycheck-needing receptionist with an “auto attendant” which that fancy phone system was capable of providing. Now, callers could push a series of buttons to get where they needed to go without the help of the old-school receptionist.
This system added a couple of classic lies, ones that are right up there with “I’ll respect you in the morning” and “I’m from the government and I’m here to help you”. Which is less true: 1) “Please listen carefully, because our menu items have changed” or 2) “This call is being recorded for quality assurance purposes”? This was the state of things a decade ago, when we groused about listening to multiple menu items or sub-menu items, fighting the temptation to “press zero to speak with an operator”.
I will confess that I was not immune from the temptation to save money on a receptionist when I could have callers to my own office navigate menus on their own time rather than taking up a receptionist provided at my expense. In fairness, my offices were never big enough to justify a person dedicated to answering telephones, and it was virtually impossible to find a skilled and dedicated staffer who was willing to answer the telephone in addition to other duties. My office, therefore, chose to seek high-quality staffers by promising that they would not be the person answering the telephone. “If you know your party’s extension, you may dial it now” is a lot less irritating when it is the guy on the other end of the line who has to deal with it. And why do these recordings still tell people to “dial” a number, when there has not been a functioning dial-operated telephone in anyone’s life for probably a quarter-century?
Anyway, that state of affairs seems positively quaint today. In 2023, is there a single less effective means of making contact with someone in a large organization in order to have a question answered or a problem solved? Really, the levels of “Menu Proliferation” have gotten completely out of control. “If you are calling about life insurance and it is either Monday or Wednesday, please press 4.” And have you noticed how the “0” key has become all but useless in the navigation of phone system menus?
This thought occurred to me after a recent experience in our household. Marianne and I wanted to set an appointment with a professional in our lives. Because nobody in 2023 sets his or her own appointments, I gamely called the main number and started working through the menus. I finally got to the living, breathing human who was able to set an appointment, and life was good. Until the day of the appointment, which I took off of work and which involved a 45-minute drive. “I’m sorry, we don’t have you down for an appointment today, so we will have to re-schedule.” I avoided the temptation to ask why they called it “re-scheduling” if they denied that we had been scheduled in the first instance. Yes, I am working hard to overcome decades of lawyerly impulses, like becoming, um, insistent in certain tense circumstances.
I have concluded that if there is a single method of communication with a large organization which is less effective than the telephone, I cannot think of it. I can only hope that after my next contact with that organization, I will be directed to “a brief survey” about my experience.
J. P.'s Blog 
The more tech shoved into phones, the more I miss two cans and a string.
I refuse to talk to the automated phone answering systems. I hate it when I push a button and the annoying robo-voice tells me I can speak to it: “[Explantive], I know I CAN; but I’m pushing buttons anyway.” and then I usually hammer buttons until it connects me to a presumably living, breathing person.
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It always seemed to me like office phones after the 70s was an area where the engineers were able to pack far more features into the system than anyone could ever figure out how to use.
Way too many systems now don’t even seem to have a way to a live human anymore.
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I had two jobs in the 80s that involved operating a switchboard. A modern one, not with all the wires and plugs, but with buttons. One of the places was a state hospital for developmentally disabled children. I answered the phone “Northern Indiana State Developmental Center.” Wow, what a mouthful.
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I love it when they answer with the longest possible phrase to take as much time as possible:, “Good morning, Northern Ontario Provincial Gardening Development Centre, this is Antonietta Anthony speaking, how can I help you today?” How about by letting me speak please?
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I also hate the ones that throw in extraneous stuff, like “It’s a great day at Central Federal Credit Union. This is Angela, how may we help you today?” I believe that there can be such a thing as a great day at Central Federal Credit Union. I cannot believe that all of them are.
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“Northern Indiana State Developmental Center” is a line that can substitute right into “The Macarena” without missing a single syllable. You just need to add “Heeyyyy – Mental Center” at the end. Gad, now I can’t stop singing it. 🙂
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What bothers me is that some very high expense and functioning organizations, like my mutual fund company, who I’m sure makes loads of money on their percentages, have switched over to weird phone trees that misdirect you, as well as try to drive you to internet interaction. I do NOT have concise and secure internet services, so I depend, no demand, proper telephone interaction. I used to be able to call them, get an English speaking person on the phone who could direct my call to the correct department, or handle my request themselves. This has disappeared, so much so, that since I’m only utilizing their services for admining my retirement, now in money markets, I’m thinking of changing this over to a local indie credit union. My last interaction with them ended up with me ping-ponging between a foreign country with an ESL person, and the department at my fund that handles accounts after the account holder dies! I can only imagine what it would be like to even try and push through an address change!
BTW, did you know in many areas of the country, you cannot get a “copper wire” phone any more? The utilities in my area are so bad, I was thinking about having a “real” copper wire phone service installed again; but my local phone company will only give you VOIP, with their sketchy and bad internet service as a package, and will not hook you back up to the pole?!
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I still remember trying to contact The Wall Street Journal to tell them that I was still getting a physical newspaper (to which I had stopped subscribing, because I was only paying for a digital subscription.) I was met with something like “Press 1 if this is about your subscription to the print edition, Press 2 if this is about your subscription to the online edition.” Neither choice was appropriate. I now longer had a subscription to the print edition, and I was not calling about my online subscription. Thank goodness I could get to an operator with a few pushes of the “zero” button.
That’s a good question about the old-school phone line. We finally let go of our landline several years ago and have not tried to hook it back up.
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This reminds me, I have a supplier that consistently has phone options that do not meet my reason for calling, and I used to push “O” a couple of times and get the operator. The last time I did this, the phone said “good bye” in a cheerful voice and hung up on me!
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Yup.
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My boss at my first job told me “If it ain’t said in writing it ain’t said!” of course this was 30 years ago back in the day of fax machines. More recently when we moved to a much smaller office post pandemic there are no phones, so I finally had to get a work cell phone (which is a different post)
I don’t miss a phone on my desk.
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I was starting to feel my age as a lawyer when I had a preference for telephone calls over emails. The email is great as a follow-up to summarize or confirm what was agreed to, but I was finding that it took multiple rounds of emails to have the same effect as a 5 minute telephone call. There is so much communication that occurs in a human conversation, much of it in voice tones or in the way we can be thinking through a problem together. Emails lose most of that, and are often two people trying to dictate terms. In any case, it was becoming harder and harder to get people on the phone to discuss an issue that (to me) needed discussion and not just messages thrown over the fence.
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My parents lived and died in the time when the telephone was integral to daily life. For centuries before, commerce, business, and social affairs existed without them and the coming centuries will quickly churn through the replacements of current Dick Tracy computer watches until traditional desk top phones will be merely a quirky historical footnote like turnspit dogs.
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You remind me of how the generation who came of age before the answering machine would move heaven and earth to answer a ringing telephone. I am younger and had a “relax, they’ll leave a message” attitude. Now, telephones seldom ring at all.
You made me look up turnspit dogs. I had no idea such a thing had ever existed!
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You are so right. The answering machine was a godsend for me. I did not have to jump up for the phone and I could be better prepared when I returned the call.
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You forgot the biggest lie of all, “Your call is very important to us and someone will be with you shortly.” And some of those systems have the “0” disabled and you can shout “REPRESENTATIVE” at it until you are blue in the face without getting a live person.
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Oh, I had forgotten all about the “speak into the phone instead of pushing buttons” thing. I hate those. I also hate the way some of the systems (that try to sound so conversational) insert the sound of someone clacking away on a keyboard after you have responded to the menu choices. Fake, fake, fake!
And yes – if my call “is very important to us”, you would make it possible for me to talk to someone!!!
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JP, I still have a landline at my house. I use it for work as I frequently use the speakerphone, but have mixed feelings about giving it up after I retire. I understand for emergencies that cellphones are often difficult to trace the origin and exact location of the call which is bad for an emergency. But that said, in early April this year, my AT&T land line quit working – it said “no line detected” and I learned, not from AT&T in an online chat session or by creating a job ticket, but from speaking to the workers “in the hole” that a major cable broke underground and it would take two weeks for parts.
I contacted AT&T by phone when service was restored to say I wanted a credit for two weeks’ downtime as I use the phone for work plus I was angry to receive a bill that morning wherein they raised my phone $5.00 to $70.00/month. The customer service rep’s answer took me aback when he said “copper cable is difficult to find and old cables for phone lines are hard to repair, so get used to the fact that your landline will be phased out eventually, maybe soon.” What a lousy customer rep. I never got a credit and they raised my phone bill again in September another $3.00.
I hate getting entangled in a calling tree with endless possibilities and no opportunity to speak to a warm body at the other end of the line, not that they can always help either. The art of telephone etiquette is a lost art I’m afraid to say.
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I had not considered that repairing copper wire was becoming a problem, but I believe it now that you mention it. Yes, the word “service” in connection with a telephone utility is something that can bring on a case of the giggles.
I still remember the best description I ever saw, in an online discussion about the benefits of AT&T vs. Comcast in home internet service. The writer said that Comcast was like an unfaithful spouse, but AT&T used to beat me. I laughed out loud at that one (only I think I would reverse the two, in my own case).
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I think you got sold a bill of goods. They may not want to stock copper wire, but it’s all over and easy to get. My local big box store is lousy with it. The guy in my apartment building who is a line man for a local telecom says copper wire is way easier to “fix” than fiber optic cable, and stronger! ATT might have not had a replacement part, but that was on them, they didn’t have one because they don’t want to pay to keep one on the shelf. Back in the 90’s, when all this stuff started to happen, my downstairs neighbor called the phone company because she felt there was static on her line, so they came out, fixed her, and disconnected me! When I called an complained, they said it was going to take over two weeks to reconnect me. We have a citizens utility board, which I called. Someone was out in two days and hooked me back up, and there was an ongoing law suit because they let the number of repair people lapse to save money! The CUB was there to make sure the people weren’t getting screwed, because after all, in my area, they WERE a monopoly; which didn’t give them the right to let service and repair drop!
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That was a good description about AT&T vs Comcast. Comcast is nothing special in my opinion – nearly every day there is some little quirk to deal with with my internet service. I’m sure the AT&T powers that be would not be enthused over their customer service rep’s attitude.
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Yikes Linda, I think the handwriting is on the wall! 70 bucks? I have unlimited talk, text and data for 20 bucks a month including the phone! Don’t you think they’re trying to quietly send you a message?
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Andy, I do think AT&T would love me to call and cancel my landline, I really do and they just raised it this month. I am sure I’m the only one on the block with a landline. Unbelievably, I took off long-distance calls and interzone calls years ago to save about $9.00 a month and it’s still high. I have caller I.D. and unlimited calls but that’s all. It’s highway robbery isn’t it?! After my mom passed away in 2010, I called to the utility companies to change the service to my name. The AT&T customer service rep said the rate would go up because my mom had a senior rate (which they no longer offer) and our bill had been $14.00 WITH long-distance and interzone calling for many years.
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We had to give up our land line because the reception was so bad and the phone company would not replace the lines.
I actually like texting and emails more than talking on the phone because it is a lot like the days of letter writing. You have time to think of what to say and you have a record of what was said!
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Good points. I agree that texting is much better for the reasons you say. Also you can send a text when it is convenient for you, not when it might be convenient for the other person, and they will respond when they can. Still, I find it easier to hash out a solution to a problem in a conversation than in a series of texts or emails.
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The telephone systems I truly despise are the speech recognition ones in which you are asked to say what your problem is and the automated voice tries to summarize it and repeat it back to you in a way that it can redirect your call on (for all the talk of the power of AI, the ability of a computer to effectively do this remains questionable, at least in my experience). I heard a rumor once that some systems will automatically redirect you to an actual person if you start angrily cursing during the call. May have to try that at some point.
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As long as it doesn’t reply with “You want me to call Security? 🙂
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I have mixed emotions about the passing of the telephone. On one hand, I hate talking on the phone, so I’m glad that task has been largely replaced by other things. But on the other hand, sometimes it’s just the easiest way to get stuff done.
Last week, I had to call my County’s revenue commissioner’s office to ask a question about my car taxes. The phone tree options sent me in infinite circles – and I wondered “I guess no one really uses the phone any more.” Eventually, I dialed “0” and got my question answered by a pleasant and knowledgeable woman, so I can’t complain too much. But I suspect that in a few years, that option just won’t be available. In my own office, weeks can go by with no one actually calling me.
“Dialing” the phone is like “rolling up” car windows. The phrase long outlasted the action it refers to.
And I do still have a landline. There’s two reasons for this: 1) My wife’s 89-year-old mother would never be able to adjust to a new phone number for us, and 2) We use that number as kind of a “burner phone number” whenever we need to enter a phone # for something that we’d rather not give our our cellphone numbers.
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Haha, my wife has insisted in using our old landline number in exactly that way. I’ll bet there are a lot of text messages that don’t get delivered. At least not to us.
I like email and text for a lot of things, but the situation you describe almost requires a conversation to sort out. And it is also true that my office phone did not ring a lot in the last few years.
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The photo of the receptionist in her “kiosk” is priceless – a little spaceship. “Dial” makes me think of “change the channel” (which me, my wife, and my kids still use, when we should probably be saying “switch the stream” or something similar). Finally, it’s a testament to modern technology that I seek alternatives to a voice call whenever possible. I can’t remember the last time I made a dinner reservation by talking to a human (hello, OpenTable). Two of my doctors encourage the use of their online appointment systems even though you can still call their front desks. As long as you’re comfortable with the technology, self-scheduling really does beat the alternative, especially since direct lines have gone the way of telephone handsets.
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Change the channel is another great obsolete term we all use. And I am right there with you on the other points.
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FYI, that was me on the last comment. WordPress drives me nuts sometimes.
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Probably repeating myself here (WordPress, argh), but I love the photo of the woman in the kiosk – like a little spaceship. And “dial” makes me think of “change the channel”, where we should probably be saying something like “switch the stream” these days. Finally, it’s a nod to digital technology that I seek out any alternative to actually talking to a human for reservations and such. Dinner is usually through OpenTable, and a couple of my doctors use appointment apps, even though they still staff their front desks. Since a human never picks up on first ring anymore, self-service beats a phone call 99 out of 100.
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Had to laugh, just ran across this. This gal is a hoot, I wish she was answering my phone!
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Love it!
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